I don't normally post about work, for obvious reasons. However, I can't help sharing this story and getting feedback from you all about this situation. It's vague enough to where it's safe to post about and, frankly, I don't care if someone at work finds this post - in fact, I kinda hope they DO.
I hate gossip. I mean, really hate it. It's offensive, petty, childish, rude, and in my opinion, only serves as a tool for miserable people to make their pitiful lives seem better than they actually are by dragging others down. In a way, that makes it a little like watching Jerry Springer.
Now, there's office politics talk - trying to figure out what might happen to a particular division, what plans are for the future, etc. That's different because that has a purpose in the workplace. I'm talking about personal gossip.
Now, I try to separate personal feelings from professional duties. I don't have to like everyone I work with, but I have to be able to work with them. Hell, on a personal level, especially after this incident (piled on top of other examples) I can say I genuinely dislike my boss. He's OK to work with, but as a person, I would never choose to associate with him outside of work. Also, even if I don't particularly like someone, I can't let that get in the way of getting something done for them. Case in point - last week, I'm in my office and my boss comes in and we start talking about a project we're working on. The subject of a particular person comes up, who is - admittedly - difficult to work with sometimes.
We begin talking about this person's apparent inability (or lack of desire?) to understand some key differences in definitions and not wanting to admit that there's some problems in his area of oversight because of it. THEN, in a tone of voice (he had a big smug smile on his face) that was meant to say "hey, get a load of this, this will make you laugh," my boss tells me that this person is separated from his wife as of recently. I just stare in disbelief. Am I supposed to get some kind of pleasure out of misery in this person's personal life??
Me (angrily): "So? What does that have to do with ANYTHING? That's none of my business. Why do people care about this kind of thing??"
Keep in mind, this is NOT the first time he has participated in this type of gossip. Each time, I shoot him down or ignore it. I'm above that kind of petty bullshit.
Him: "I don't care"
Me (even more angrily): "Well, obviously you DO if you're repeating it."
Him: blank stare, grunt, walk away.
I really wish I would have laid into him more about it. Ask him what kinds of things he says about ME behind my back? Did he make fun of MY divorce to others? Do you really think it's OK to talk about people's personal lives like that? Does that make your own pathetic, miserable existence seem better?
Ugh. It really pissed me off. I will never stoop to that level, however, from now on, I WILL be telling those people who I DO like and respect at work never, ever to tell this guy anything remotely personal about anyone.
I mean, how can I be expected to have any professional respect for someone like that?
03 November 2009
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7 people give a shit:
I feel for you.
This is EXACTLY how my boss behaves. At the end of the work day, I feel like I "survived" another day in prison. Be careful because it really saps your energy level and it's unhealthy to be around all that negativity.
I respect you and applaud you for not stooping to that level.
~Melissa
This is yet another reason I moved to a company where I work from home. my interaction during work is customers and my family. Good luck!
word of the day:
ausquea
I can't stand that either. It's one thing to discuss difficulties someone is going through because you are genuinely concerned about them, or, as appropriate for work, how it may affect their job. It's totally different to take pleasure in someone else's difficulties - I think it's sleazy. Before I talk about what is going on with others, I try to figure out why I am discussing it- do the people know each other and I am trying to update them (such as let them know that another friend is having a hard time), am I trying to show that others have gone through similar situations, etc. If I realize that I am talking about someone just to talk about them, I try to shut my mouth. And I never share it in a way that takes enjoyment from someone else's misery (well, maybe except for a few faculty members from my grad school).
I totally agree about not telling him anything personal about anyone- he's already demonstrated that he's not trustworthy in that respect.
I'm with you on this one. That's a big part of why I've been on my own for 11 years. I just did not have the patience for any more office politics and clueless management.
I don't have any useful advice, however. I responded to my last disagreement in an office by quitting. :-)
Yeah, that sucks. Nothing like behaving like a junior high school student to boost your professionalisma and win the trust of colleagues. Sheesh.
Whoa. That's uncalled for (what the boss said). Now, if it was said in a context of "go easy on the guy because he just separated with his wife and we have to be understanding that for awhile, we'll have to cut him some slack," then I completely understand it.
But to mock a guy because he just separated from his wife, even if he is somewhat of a turd, that's not cool. That's, well, petty. You'd hope someone in a position of power wouldn't be so petty.
The only thing you can do is to let your boss know that you do not gossip and do not want to hear any of it. It is unprofessional for a person to gossip at work. There is also the matter of how the boss knows about the divorce. Was it told as a confidence? If so then the boss's boss should be told of it.
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