Machismo

I knew, when moving to Albany Park, that it would be a different feel and, in general, I do like the neighborhood. I do, however, have one major complaint.

What is it with Hispanic men that makes them think it's OK to catcall, leer, and harass women? Where do they learn that this is OK? I don't want to generalize, but seriously, since the weather has gotten nice, this has happened to me on at least a weekly basis.

Let me clarify too - I don't mean a friendly hello, good morning, whatever - there's also plenty of that in the neighborhood too and the majority of people are friendly. That's civilized behavior. That's how you interact with human beings. Leering, making lewd comments, and catcalling is how you interact with someone you have learned is subhuman.

It could also be a class issue as well. Generally speaking, a lot lower and working-class men have NO CLUE how to appropriately interact with women. This is why construction sites are rife with harassment of women who walk by. But every single incident I have encountered in the past few weeks has been a Hispanic man. There's plenty of white and black men in the neighborhood, and they don't do this. Something is severely wrong with a culture that teaches men this is appropriate behavior.

So how do I deal with this? It depends on the severity. I have yet to feel physically threatened by any of them, since they're all at a reasonable distance. If I ignore it, I feel like it give them power and encouragement. On the other hand, giving them attention is what they want, right? It's very difficult to figure out what to do. In some cases, if they're close enough, I've point blank asked them "Do you really think women like it when you talk to them this way?" and that catches them off guard. One guy I told to go "eat a dick" and that seemed to work too. Giving the finger, or saying 'fuck off' sometimes works too. Though many of them make me wish I knew martial arts and could just body slam them to the pavement until they said "sorry" with a mouthful of asphalt.

Ah well, I can dream...

What is family?

I was having a discussion with someone last week about this who was very curious about my decision that I don't want kids. He'd never actually met anyone who had been so decisive about it and was just curious. At first I got defensive, because historically I've always been put on the defensive about this - because, you know, there must be something wrong with me if I don't want what society expects me to want. But after a few minutes it was clear that it was innocent curiosity, not an interrogation. The subject of family, and what that means to someone with no children came up. I guess it is typical that most people think parents + children, or at least blood relatives when you say "family."

As usual, my answer was pretty out-of-the-box. Forget for a moment the choice to not have kids - just consider people who don't - for whatever reason. Are they "family-less?" Of course not. I consider two spouses (of any gender) to be each-other's family, regardless of whether there are children involved. I also include "chosen family" in my definition. By this, I mean those people we choose to let into our inner circle. There are many people I know who have very little, or no blood family (either because they're dead, or because through choice or circumstance they have no contact) and have filled their lives with "chosen" family instead.

I have done the same. As an adult, I've grown more distant from the bulk of my extended family, with a few exceptions and the obvious exception of my immediate "nuclear" family. I barely know most of them and most of them don't really know me either. We have very little in common. Am I still supposed to consider them to be as important in my life as my very close friends with whom I have stronger emotional bonds and common interests? Why? Because society says so? I mean, sure, if something happened to them, I would be emotionally affected, and I would do what I could to help. But if I'm brutally honest with myself, I can admit that it would probably not be as much as if the same thing happened to one of my "chosen family" members with whom I am much closer.

So I guess my answer is this: There's two definitions of family - there's those with whom you share a genetic or legal bond with (in-laws, adopted and step-children, etc), and those to whom you are emotionally bound. Sometimes those two groups overlap, sometimes they don't. I define family as any group of people with whom I have chosen to share my life with and who I let get close to me and vice versa. They're the people I would move heaven and earth to help if I could. Sure, the members of this group can and do change over time - and maybe that makes some people uncomfortable because they feel "family" has to be some constant. But I really think genetics has nothing to do with it.

Opinions? Just curious.

Ending the War on Drugs

Here's a true story from my friend Kathie, who does drug policy research. She's a great example of how, when you have the resources, drug addiction is a treatable condition. Her story highlights the successes of one former addict juxtaposed against a backdrop of what happens to those who don't have the resources to get out. Criminalizing drug addiction solves nothing.

There are many reasons why I believe that treatment is better than prison for those who use drugs. Research demonstrates that people who receive treatment are far less likely to commit crimes than people who don't receive it.

Recidivism drops and public safety is improved when individuals with substance use disorders are served by treatment rather than prison. I have learned this as a researcher from studying the "literature."

But I have also learned that treatment is effective from my own life, from my own experiences.

When I was 19, I tried heroin for the first time when I was at college in New York. It was a tough period for me. I was depressed and suicidal. Before I tried heroin, I sought help on my college campus, but no help was given to me. I was told to live with one of the deans, but I received no treatment. I attempted to get psychiatric treatment on my own at a New York Hospital. But I was turned away. Within six months of trying heroin, I left school. By the time I was 20, I was a heroin addict.

I tried many times to try to overcome my addiction. I learned that quitting heroin is physically very painful. I remember that a doctor once told me that that it was like a bad cold, but my experience was much worse than a cold. I remember the insomnia, the nausea, the vomiting, the cramping, the inability to sit still, the horrible, horrible anxiety. What was much worse than these physical symptoms was the knowledge that at any time, my withdrawal symptoms would go away if I took another dose of heroin. I tried to stop on my own and found that I couldn't do it.

My addiction escalated. At one point I was homeless, squatting in an abandoned building. I committed crimes to support my habit. I learned to scam and shoplift. I was arrested and convicted. But I was never offered treatment when I came into contact with law enforcement officers.

I believe that when I went in front of the court, to plead guilty to my crime, that I was given different treatment -- better treatment -- because I was white, a woman and because I had a lawyer.

I learned when you are a drug user, people don't see you as a person, people only see you as a problem. A problem for which the only solution is jail. And sometimes drug users believe that about themselves -- that they should be punished, that they are deserving of the worst punishment. I personally believe that most people who are addicted to drugs are already suffering; are already being punished.

There's a misconception that people use drugs because they are fun to do. I still do a good amount of field research, and nearly without exception, people who have substance use disorders will tell you how awful it is. How they would like to find a way to solve this problem but don't know how to do it. It's hard to get treatment when you don't have a phone or a place to live, when the only thing that seems real to you is the next bag of heroin or rock and where you are going to get it. Treatment seems like something far away. Something that might not be attainable. And often it is not.

Jail, however, will come and find you. Every day that you suffer from an addiction to an illegal drug is a day that you may get arrested.

I learned how to kick heroin cold in jail. In jail, they usually don't give you anything for withdrawal symptoms. That part was difficult. But what was much more difficult was the realization that simply getting clean is not the same as getting treatment. Because I went right back to using. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to be addicted, but I didn't know how to stop, or how to cope. Finally,after many calls, and tries and stops and starts, I found treatment that worked for me.

According to the literature, methadone treatment is the most effective form of treatment for heroin addiction. I could give you statistics about how individuals who are treated with methadone use less drugs, are less likely to contract blood borne pathogens, and are far less likely to commit crimes.

Methadone treatment, in and of itself, would not necessarily have been effective for me. Some treatment providers will discharge a person who relapses, even though the literature tells us that relapse is part of recovery, that relapse is part of the disease of addiction. I was lucky -- blessed -- to find a provider, the Center for Addictive Problem -- a program that practiced a harm reduction approach, and allowed me to stay in treatment even though I did use a few times.

It took some time for me to get better even with methadone. I saw a psychiatrist. Now I could cite statistics about how women have very high rates of co-occurring disorders (that is an underlying psychiatric condition), or I could tell you what I found out from my own experience.

I was diagnosed with a panic disorder by my therapist. I learned that in some ways my heroin use was partly a way of medicating myself so that I could feel better. I learned that I used a potent painkiller because I was in so much pain. That my pain was so intense in 1988, that at the height of the AIDS epidemic, I picked up a needle and began to shoot heroin. Perhaps if I had received help when I had asked for it, I might not have started using drugs.

When I think of the individuals who cycle in and out of Illinois' prisons for drug offenses, I wonder about what pain they have experienced. What lies beneath their drug use? I wonder whether they will ever be given the opportunity to get treatment or will they be destined to cycle in and out of prison for the rest of their lives? Or will these individuals be given a second chance at life, at hope, at the possibility of making a fruitful and hopeful life that might contribute to society?

Then I go back to the statistics and crunch the numbers. The largest group in our prisons is drug offenders. The majority of these people are African American.

I admit my bias for treatment over prison. But perhaps I am not so biased, because treatment is effective. As a researcher I have studied these issues and the literature tells me this is true.

Perhaps we can find another way to deal with people with drug problems. Perhaps we can give these individuals the opportunity of treatment. Perhaps these individuals will learn how to not use drugs, to get an education, to find a mate, to have a child, to find meaningful employment.

Perhaps. But only if we take our drug policies in a new direction. Maybe then individuals with substance use disorders will be allowed to make a contribution to society instead of being thrown away, locked up or left out.

Recently, the new Drug Czar called for the end to the war on drugs, acknowledging that the war on drugs has become a war on people. I think it's partly because when we talk about drug use, we see the drugs and not the people. We see the needles, HIV, the hepatitis, the corners where drugs are sold. But we don't see that the casualties of this war -- the human potential that is lost each and every day; the contributions that won't happen because we are so focused on our fears -- and not on the fact that drug users are not just "junkies" and "crackheads," but are also our sons and daughters, our brothers and sisters, our neighbors, our family members. We live among you. You just don't always notice us.

You might ask yourself, why is she telling her story at this time? I ask myself this too. I wonder. Partly I am telling my story at this time because I feel as though the tide is finally turning. I hope and pray that I am right about this feeling -- that the war on drugs really might be coming to an end. That this social justice movement is gaining strength and I want to add my voice, my story, and my face to it.

Perhaps it's because when I was 30 I was diagnosed with a chronic liver condition that I was told might kill me by the time I was 40. I was the mother of a 2 year old.

I turned 40 two weeks ago. My daughter is now 12.

Perhaps when we acknowledge this reality, we can actually treat people who use drugs as people. Maybe we can move addiction back into in the realm of health, where it actually belongs.

So, I stand here before you as a "junkie", a convicted felon, a daughter, a mother, a wife, a friend, a teacher, a researcher, an advocate.

And the last reason why I am doing this, in the words of Eleanor Roosevelt:

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing that you fear the most."

And today, that is what I have done.

Controlled puppy torture

That's what my trainer calls trial-by-fire training sessions for her dogs. I guess yesterday could qualify for Annie.

I had a few of my "kids" over for a celebratory barbecue last night. I advise the feminist group on our campus, and in addition to several of them graduating last month, they also won Student Organization of the Year for the programs and events they sponsored and organized. I call them my "kids" because, with the exception of one or two, I'm about 10 years senior to all of them. But they're a fun group and keep me feeling young.

In all, including me, there were 11 people in the apartment last night. That is more people than Annie has ever been around at once in her house - ever. We never really had people over much because she would go nuts - so we would limit it to a handful of people, many of whom Annie already knows - like close friends and family.

Despite some initial barking, Annie did very well. I now know how to control her and calm her down and how to explain to people how best to interact with her. Of course, it also helps when the people you have over actually *listen* to what you tell them about how to interact with the dog. There have been times in the past where I've wanted to strangle certain family members for ignoring instructions and basically egging her on. When everyone cooperates, everyone's happy.

After she calmed down, pretty much everyone agreed she was a cutie pie. After we ate, we played Apples to Apples and here we are all yelling and laughing and she's sleeping off to the side on the floor.

I know it was anxiety provoking for her, and it must have been exhausting, but it was a good day and she did very well. I'm glad I can now have people over - even if she is a bit of a pain in the ass at first, she does calm down.

Just goes to show - avoiding a problem is never the right solution.

All eyes on Iran

Seriously - this could be huge.

Just sayin.

WTF is wrong with people

Back in April, Janet Napolitano issued a report saying that the election of a black president and the impending policy changes the democratic leadership wanted to implement was leading to an increase in right wing extremist rhetoric and activity. She was derided by the right and forced to apologize (though she defended the findings of the report).

According to CNN:

"Right-wing Extremism: Current Economic and Political Climate Fueling Resurgence in Radicalization and Recruitment," said right-wing extremist groups may be using the recession and the election of the nation's first African-American president to recruit members."

People called her crazy.

Now we have two examples of right-wing extremist violence in less than two weeks. The murder of Dr. George Tiller by an unrepentant Scott Roeder, and now the shooting at the Holocaust Museum by a Holocaust denier and neo-Nazi fuckhead.

I second Keith Olbermann's observation that if either of these perpetrators had Arabic names, the country would be in lockdown right now.

Why are these acts being treated as normal crimes instead of what they really are: Domestic Terrorism?

Hotlanta

Some observations from my conference trip to Atlanta:

I went to the annual conference for my professional association this past week in Atlanta. In general, I like going to this conference. The sessions include all kinds of topics on higher education research (my field) and range from best practices regarding assessment of student learning to how to predicting which students are likely to persist to degree completion, to how to use results from various national student surveys, and how changes in state/federal regulations affect institutions, etc. It's an international conference too - so our 'keynote' address was actually four speakers - two from the US, one from Canada and one from Europe's Eurostat to talk about the problems of researching education in a global world where we collect different information in different ways. I know, probably sounds like a snoozer to all of you, but I found it interesting.

I get to catch up with people I know from all over the place - some of whom I meet at these conferences, some of whom used to work in Illinois and moved elsewhere. It's usually a pretty good time.

Outside the conference, I spent some time in the hotel pool and taking a walk to Atlanta's Centennial Olympic Park and the conference arranged for a block of tickets to the Atlanta Braves game. I normally don't go to the baseball outing at the conference, but it was the CUBS, so I had to. Not that I really follow baseball really, but it was fun. Of course, the Cubs blew what could have been a shut-out game. The highlight of the game though, was that there were as many Cubs fans in the stands as Braves fans - and at one point a two-run homer by the Braves was thrown BACK on the field by Cubs fans... we laughed SO hard.

Another observation from the baseball game: What the fuck is it with singing "God Bless America" at the 7th Inning Stretch?????? I know it's the South, but come ON people. You must insert politics into what is supposed to be a fun time?? I don't even know the words to God Bless America, and frankly, don't care to. I don't think any God takes sides regarding man-made nation-states. Fuck that noise.

I'll post some pictures later.