What the...

This gets filed in the "whaaaaaaaa?" category of my brain.

Donna sent this to me today. It's an Amazon.com entry for a $20,000 personal land cruiser.

The best part is the customer reviews...

Finally, a tank you can trust, December 1, 2005

I'll admit it. Shopping for a personal tank can be a bit daunting. Many times in the past I've purchased overpriced, so-called "battle tanks", then driven them into battle only to be wrecked in ten minutes by the first blow off of some insurgents home-made morter.

But not this baby, no way.

Has Some Problems Making the Jump to Light Speed, April 14, 2006

Okay, the mechanical glitches may not be the fault of NAO Design, since I got my JL421 Badonkadonk used (I won it in a game of sabacc, if you must know). And when it's purring along, this baby shines! She made the Castle run in less than 12 parsecs, and that's a record that stands to this day. But she left me in the lurch at several critical junctures, and I get a bad feeling whenever the Imperial Ties are on my tail and I need a quick getaway. Maybe I'd have fewer issues if my mechanic wasn't a Wookiee.

The Klopeks

Ok, I assume everyone has seen the movie "The Burbs" with Tom Hanks right? If you haven't, get your ass up from your computer, go to the video store, and rent it - it's damn funny. A (very) brief synopsis:

Tom Hanks lives in a typical, suburban cul-de-sac block with all your typical suburbanite neighbors (the annoying teenager, the guy with the perfect lawn, the nosy neighbor, etc...).


Bruce Dern is perfect as the crazy ex-Vietnam vet with the trophy wife.


Anyway, this new family (The Klopeks) moves in next door that no one ever sees. The house is is disrepair, the lawn is completely dead, and strange noises come out of the basement at night. So of course, they must be devil worshipers, right?


John and I have nicknamed our next-door neighbors to the East the Klopeks. (Granted, we don't live in the burbs, but our neighborhood is less urban than a lot of others within city limits.)

Consider the evidence:
It's an old house with a wrap-around porch.
We never see them.
They have all sorts of shit piled up in one room we can see from the backyard.
They have a large dog that barks from behind an 8-foot tall wooden fence that hides their backyard.

No, we have not seen them in the yard in the rain 'round midnight digging holes. yet.

But most recently...

John caught Hans Klopek (their teenage douchebag kid) destroying his guitar in the alley and then attempting to light it on fire in the back yard between our two houses. John was outside with Annie when he heard the noise. He looked over the fence (which you can see from our porch) and saw the kid doing this and just said "what are you STUPID?". Hans said "No sir" and skulked back inside.

So, if Annie digs up a femur from under the fence, I will not be surprised.

Check out ZeFrank

I had no idea ZeFrank had a videoblog. Check this guy out if you haven't already.

His original website has all sorts of cool stuff on it, including interactive web toys and such, but the videoblog is priceless.

I haven't had much to say lately, so check out ZeFrank.

Don't eat that....

So I've never been a huge fan of Chipotle but I had a taste for a taco for lunch. I was tired of sub sandwiches and salads and Chipotle and Taco Fresco are the only places in the Loop to find a taco.

I opted for the Barbacoa (shredded spicy beef) even though I usually get chicken. After today, I won't be getting either from Chipotle ever again.

They actually tasted quite good, and I'm enjoying my tacos. Halfway through the third one, I bit into something tough. I figure it's a piece of fat or gristle or something - you know how cheap beef can be. So I go to pick it out, only to realize it is much, much larger and longer than I expected. To my horror, I discover that it appears to be a large vein or blood vessel of some sort. Don't believe me? Look here - I took a picture. I won't post it openinly because it's gross, but if you're so inclined, take a peek. It even has branches and a tubular structure - what else could it be?

Needless to say, I wasn't feeling very hungry after that. Maybe I'll get some chocolate later to ease the squickiness I feel now.

John is right though... It could be worse - it could have been a toe.

I couldn't resist

OK, so I saw this headline in the Tribune today

Doorman Strike Looms in New York City : NEW YORK -- The city's doormen threatened to go on strike Friday in a walkout that could force tens of thousands of apartment dwellers to take their trash out to the curb, carry their own groceries and hail their own cabs.

Seriously - that's a REAL news story, not from the Onion or anything.

My only thought was a long battlecry "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

God forbid New Yorkers have to hail their own cabs or carry groceries! Seriously, this is news people? What the fuck?

Genius

Cillic posted this (from defective Yeti). Anyone who's ever played old computer games like this will get an extra chuckle...

Reality Bites

I've been meaning to post about this for a while, but never had time and/or forgot about it when I had the chance. This is a recurring scene at the 7-11 where I get my morning coffee. I'd say once every couple weeks or so:

Poor man, often but not always black, standing in line at 8:00am to purchase a 40oz of malt liquor. Sometimes they just stand there quietly, counting out their change while the clerk gives them disdainful looks. Sometimes, like this morning, they're visibly drunk and slurring the words to a song.

Usually, these people are 'invisible' to most of the other customers, who simply ignore their presence. The invisibility of homeless people is a topic for another time, but just think about it next time you see people veer as far away from a panhandler as possible, not make eye contact, or simply pretend not to see the person.

What made it even worse this morning was there were two trixies getting coffee, we'll call them Brittney and Buffy. Brittney and Buffy found it hilarious that this poor drunk was singing and purchasing liquor at 8:00 in the morning. They were snickering to one another and giggling. I wanted to look at them from over the coffee counter and say "so that's funny to you?" but instead I just flashed them dirty looks.

How could you possibly think that was funny? All I could think of was that poor man and the circumstances that drove him to a life where he has to count out pennies to buy a 40 at 8am when he's already drunk. How painful does life have to be to want to medicate yourself that much? How hopeless must you feel to throw in the towel like that?

I also could see the flipside: How some people, mainly conservatives, look at someone like that and call them lazy. Disregard all his history and life context and hold him up as an example for why there should be no social programs... see - "they" just get drunk and waste our money anyway.

Now, I work in the South Loop and homeless people and panhandlers are no new phenomenon. But I think what bothers me about these scenes in 7-11 more than seeing random people asking for change is that it throws in your face the interlaced problems of homelessness, poverty and substance abuse.

Burnout

I need a vacation. It really sucks that now the craziness at work has passed that I have nearly nothing to do. I mean, there's things to do, but most of it is on hold waiting for answers from other people - who will no doubt get back to me with only a day or two to spare before the project is due. Well, I have a new response for them: Tough Titty.

In other news, I should really be happy that George Ryan was convicted on all counts yesterday. But I actually don't care. I don't seem to care about much for the past week. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe I just need to up the dosage. I've just be tired all the time and have zero motivation to do much of anything.

The summer class in London is officially cancelled. It sucks too, because at the end there were 4 people registered. Just one more and it would have flown.

We haven't gotten out on the bike much either - the only good day was last Saturday but we spent that watching a marathon of Scrubs with Donna. It was a fun time. I love that show. It's gotten back to normal spring weather this week - rainy and 50 degrees. We actually had to turn the heat back on.

I didn't get to make my Easter Lamb cake this year - at the request of family who, I guess, are just too easily offended. Little did they know that I had actually decided not to do the "chewy" center this year because I'm sure that would spark some interesting questions from the little kids. I think what bothered me about it was the lack of trust that I would take the kids into account. I guess I'm just some sort of evil heathen doing everything I can to corrupt their morally straight lifestyle. Whatever.

The Easter Bunny Hates You

This is a wonderful informational video about what the Easter Bunny does the other 364 days of the year. Enjoy.

New toy

John's been saying for a while that our bike was too small for us. It was a good practice bike (a Honda Shadow 750) but it was time to graduate. Sunday, we went to Chicago Cycle and bought a brand spanking new Honday Shadow Sabre 1100. The sales guy looked like Bill Paxton in Weird Science so all the other guys in the shop called him Chet. It was pretty funny.

We spent some time talking to one of the sales guys in the chopper display area as well. Those are pretty bikes to look at, but I wouldn't want to ride one. Even the sales guy said they're just bar bikes, you can't really ride them.

We spent hours in that place. Picking out the bike and filling out the paperwork took about 30 minutes. The rest was waiting. Waiting for the credit check, waiting for the contracts to get written up, waiting for them to check, fuel and test ride the bike... We didn't get out of there until about 4 pm and we got there at 12:30.

John's happy because this bike handles perfectly and he's comfortable taking it on the highway - which means we can actually GO someplace with it. We won't be doing too much riding until next week when we get the sissybar. They had to order it, so right now I have to hang on to John lest I fall off the back. I'm sure John will take it out for a few spins without me.

Holy Crap!

I've been neglecting you, my fair readers, and I apologize. We will be back to our regularly scheduled broadcasts as soon as the whirlwind called re-accreditation is over at work. Let me tell you, I thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that this only comes around once every 10 years...

It is the biggest pain in the ass I've ever experienced and I'm not even one of the central players. I can't imagine what it's like for those coordinating this damn thing. In case you didn't know, institutions are accredited by regional bodies that send teams of evaluators to your site to comb over everything from finances to data reports to student performance to facilities management. You never know what they're going to want to take a closer look at - so everything has to be completely in order.

It's a little like the Inquisition...

Hey there sports fans...

There's a ton of stuff I want to post about, but I just don't have the time or energy to write anything right now. Hopefully after work dies down after next week I'll have more free time.

In the mean time, WestSide Charlie, my old buddy from high school and college has a new site devoted to all things Cubs. Go check him out... now...