Le Divorce

So yes, it's official. I didn't want to post anything beforehand because who knows what could have happened yesterday for it to not be finalized. Hell, until we showed up, we were not sure it could get done yesterday depending on whether the judge was ready to hear it or not (yesterday was supposed to be just a "status call"). But since everything was in order, we were ready to do what's called the "prove up" - proving to the judge that everything is agreed upon and finalized for court review.

The whole concept of a court/judge being able to decide whether or not to grant a divorce still bugs me. I understand it's there to protect the interests of both parties and ensure fair outcomes, but in our case, all we needed was a rubber stamp. It was also really offensive and frustrating to hear the judge ask one woman if she did anything to "bring about" the emotional abuse she endured. Excuse me?? I even said under my breath "what the FUCK kind of question is that?"

So while the 4 cases ahead of us were being heard, two of which were really sad - women with deadbeat husbands - John and I were sitting in the back corner quietly goofing off, as usual. I mean, the judge's last name was Hyman and we both have a juvenile sense of humor. We were, oddly enough, the only couple in the room sitting together. I guess that just shows how odd our case was. Even my lawyer was like "this is the easiest case I've ever done." It still took forever to get everything drafted, but in terms of cooperation and having everything agreed upon... piece of cake. We were making jokes to each other like "hey, you come here often?" Of course we were doing that quietly and there was no one sitting near us. I wanted to be sensitive to the fact that everyone else in the room was dealing with complicated and painful stuff like custody and alimony payments.

We got up there, answered all the questions (they have to go over all the pieces of the agreement and put on verbal record that you willfully agree to the terms, yada yada). Then the judge signs some papers, and we leave. I didn't get a copy of everything right away - but if I had, I joked to John that I'd skip down Clark Street singing "I got a Golden Ticket." See, friendly and weird.

Then we went out for an early dinner and called it a day. So that's that.

I'm baaaack

This is going to be a long one, so grab a beer and have a seat.

OK, so first - the move: Went well. Thanks to all who helped with various aspects. The movers were great - they were done in 2 1/2 hours. I have essentials unpacked and am figuring out where I want stuff. I have a few things I'll need to get eventually, but for the most part, I'm functional. The place is a great space, perfect size for me and the critters. Enough space to feel comfortable, but not too much to where it feels empty. The landlord is great so far. He's around the building a lot, is friendly, and if there's stuff that needs fixing, he gets it done. There's also other dogs in the building and the fenced in area in the back is used for playtime by a few of them. Annie met Jubilee, a little pug, on Friday and did not try to eat her - so that's a good sign. I think as long as I keep that space in her mind as "neutral" territory, she'll be OK. If Annie starts to think of that as "her" turf, then there could be trouble. But hopefully she gets to know the other dogs soon and then it will be a shared playground, like the park or beach - where she has no territorial issues. The nice weather will help with that.

I've been getting to know the neighborhood - not that it's totally unfamiliar - I know the geography, etc. Just finding where the best stuff is takes time. So far, I love the people. There's a woman I've dubbed the crazy squirrel lady who says hi to Annie every time we walk by. I was talking to her a bit the other day and she was telling me that she feeds the squirrels and has given them all names. Annie didn't growl or bark at her either.

It's a very diverse neighborhood - ethnically, socially, and economically. There's a lot of Asian, Middle Eastern, Eastern European, Hispanic, Black, and White people who live around here. There's professionals, blue-collar people, retired people, students, families. There's a little bit of everyone - which is why this neighborhood has the reputation of being called "the Little U.N." Here's a pretty good synopsis of the neighborhood from a website I found:

"The residents of the Chicago neighborhood of Albany Park and Irving Park East cannot be easily classified. Since the Ravenswood El began bringing commerce into the neighborhood around Lawrence and Kimball almost 100 years ago, immigrants from many different cultures have made Albany Park and Irving Park East their new home. As a result, the neighborhood's residents now speak an estimated 25+ different languages. This diversity is rarely matched by other Chicago communities and offers a vast array of cultural experiences.

A stretch of Lawrence Avenue has been dubbed Seoul Drive due to the collection of Korean-owned shops and businesses in the area; approximately 40% of the businesses in this neighborhood are Korean-owned. One can also find Italian, Japanese, Jewish, Palestinian and many other culturally-oriented shops, restaurants and businesses in Albany Park and Irving Park East. You can eat at Gigio's Pizza and Thai Touch Restaurant and then shop at Khyam Meat and Grocery without leaving the neighborhood.

Albany Park and Irving Park East border on the Chicago River, providing some very scenic spots and parks for dining, living and recreation.

Located at the northern end of CTA's Brown Line [Ravenswood], Albany Park sits halfway between the Loop and O'Hare Airport."

The only thing that's lacking is a grocery store nearby, but I knew that going in. There's a local market I'll check out and I got recommendations about produce markets. I think I'll go back to peapod for some stuff, but that's fine with me.

So far so good.

Last weekend, before the move, I had a totally irresponsible party weekend and it was fun, fun, fun. I don't do that very often, but I guess I needed to cut loose. Here's the play by play (I find it hilarious, so I have to post it):

Friday/Saturday:
6am- get up, go to work
5:30- get home, walk Annie, eat dinner
10pm- go to The Zoo, the bar I've been frequenting where a couple friends DJ electro industrial music.
1:30am- A high school friend who came out with me and I decided we needed to dance (The Zoo dancefloor isn't open regularly), so we went to Neo. She used to be a manager/bartender there so we didn't pay for a drink all night. I didn't drink that much though (I had one beer and a couple shots) because I was on the dance floor most of the rest of the night.
4am- Close neo, hang out & chat with the staff for a bit
4:45am- Get home

Saturday/Sunday:
8am: Get up, walk Annie
10am: Take Penny to the vet
12pm: Do some packing
1pm: Take a nap
4pm: Go to a friend's house for her birthday
5pm: Go see Watchmen
9pm: Get a call from a friend saying he IS going to the Wax Trax! tribute night and do I want to go (everyone I knew who was going flaked out on me).
9pm: Dinner with friends after the movie
11pm: Get home, change, head to Kinetic Playground
3am: Head home

Sunday:
7am: Get up, walk Annie
9am: Dad comes over to help move my TV, entertainment center (a modular, collapsable set of 3 shelves, not hard to move), and artwork.
2pm: Meet a friend who is taking some of my free stuff I'm giving away. She wants to get a bloody Mary. Why the hell not, I haven't had a drink in almost 12 hours, and I gotta keep the shakes at bay, right? We go have a beer.
3pm: Another friend comes by to pick up another thing I'm giving away
4pm: Nap
6pm: Eat dinner
9pm: Go to a West Town bar to visit a friend who is bartending.
11pm: Go home & sleep.

Yes, I'm insane...

I have a whirlwind few weeks coming up again too. I have a wedding, a couple of nights out, work functions, and the election. Oy. I guess I'll sleep in May?

T-minus 4 days

Movers come on Wednesday! EEEK.

Actually, most everything is packed. Now I'm in that awkward stage where I'm throwing random stuff in the closest box because there's not enough left of any one type of thing to fill a box. I try to stay organized when packing - kitchen stuff together, bathroom stuff together, etc. Now it's just - stuff on this shelf goes in this box and I'll sort it out later. I'll mark all of those boxes "Last packed" since they will have all the stuff I didn't want to pack in advance because I needed it - and I will probably need it sooner than the other stuff when I get settling in.

I'll be sure to post more updates after I'm settled - maybe by Thursday/Friday next week.

Everything is pretty much ready to move and I have a puppy xanax left over from the 4th of July to give Annie on moving day to keep her calm.

I also made my tattoo appointment for April 23rd. I'm getting the "wedding" tattoo altered slightly to reflect my new life and direction.



The "True Love" banner is being covered over by a black & grey raven carrying a dead rose (in color). The raven is the Celtic symbol of death. Death in the Celtic tradition is not like "final" death as our culture understands it, but a drastic change from which there is no going back. It's a way to acknowledge the past, which I do not regret, but symbolize that life moves on and that part of my life will always be with me but is now over. Plus it's a cool way to integrate the Mitch O'Connell piece in with Hannah's flowers. It will still be a very cute, kitschy piece of pop art by a very well known Chicago artist.

I also apologize that I haven't been visiting all your blogs lately either. I have been sucked into the Facebook vortex. However, I plan to find a way to balance my time between there and here, since I keep the two separate and want to keep up with all of you too.

D-day

John received the official court notice in the mail this weekend. I think my notice goes to the lawyers, since they're "representing" me and John is "representing" himself. Let me tell you, it is strange to see Laura v. John - the whole system is set up to be so adversarial, and I know it's because it usually IS adversarial. So on March 26th, we'll go to court, sign everything, and be able to fully move on.

It's strange to say, but we're both more happy than sad at this point. It is working out for the best: We're both happier now and we were able to come through this as friends. What more could we really ask for? So in 24 days (on my mom's birthday no less), I'll be officially, legally single again.