Boys are Dumb

So I have two things to address in this aptly titled post.

First, John woke up with Vertigo this morning. He'd close his eyes and the room would feel like it was spinning. He opened his eyes and they were moving all over the place as if he were tracking moving objects. I finally convinced him that maybe it'd be a good idea to see a doctor. My dad was always the same way. What is it with some men? You practically have to tie them up and drag them to the doctor. Don't they realize that if you (gasp) actually WENT for regular physical exams then the only time you saw the doctor wouldn't be when you were sick/in pain/near dead? Though, to be fair, my maternal grandmother was just as stubborned about going to the doctor. She broke her knee in her 60s and she said that was the first time she'd been to the doctor since my mom was born. I don't know if that is true or not, she was prone to exaggeration sometimes. Regardless, not having regular check-ups ended up killing her. She's an exception though. Most doctor aversion seems to come from men.

I understand that for guys, the "Turn your head and cough" and the back-door prostate exam is probably pretty humiliating. But until you've had to haul your ass up onto cold stirrups and endure the prodding of the metal platypus - I don't want to hear it.

Update: John actually did go to the doctor today, and everything is fine. It's probably an inner-ear issue, but there's no infection and nothing else appears to be wrong.

Second, I read this article in the Tribune today about this kid who was killed while supposedly drag racing on a public street in the afternoon this past weekend. Worse, his parents bought him this 300 horsepower car for getting a 4.0 in school. What kind of parent buys a 17 year old that powerful of a car? Seriously? Oh yeah, and he was drinking... So he had a BA of .02 and his mother knew he and his brother were going to get gas. Great mom... Is it callous to say that this is natural selection? I mean, 4.0 GPA or no, the kid was stupid. The parents weren't all that bright either. I'm glad that, unlike many drunk driving incidents, an innocent bystander wasn't killed.

Taint Polishing Slags

So our good friend Donna (who never updates her site) came over last night just to hang. We made pork chops on the grill, smores, had some wine - the usual. After showing Donna the ending of the Spongebob Squarepants movie (which John has dubbed the BEST. MOVIE. EVER.) where David Hasslehoff's pectoral muscles shoot Spongebob back to his home in Bikini Bottom, we decided to play Loaded Question. If you're into group games - this is one to get. Loaded Question and another game called Apples to Apples are great party/family games.

Now you can play this game with the rules - where you move around the board and someone wins, but we just like asking eachother the questions. The point of the game is that one person asks a question from a card.

Like: If you could invent one modern convenience, what would it be?

Players write down their answers and one person reads them to the questioner, who has to decide who gave which answer. (You can see it's very easy with 3 people - so we just play for fun). Well, my choices for that question were:

1. A solar powered self-cleaning asshole
2. Taint polisher

You can see how this gets fun, right? I almost fell off my chair with that one. It degraded somewhat from there, with every other answer having to do with taints. We also had several mentions of sideways sucking slags and assless chaps.

Anyway... it's a fun game, I highly recommend picking it up.

Not all the questions are hypothetical either.

An IE Haiku

Apparently when I post large pictures, my site displays all funky in Internet Explorer...

So for all of you using IE, a poem.

Displaying poorly
Explorer can kiss my ass
You ruin my website.

Also, for your viewing pleasure:

Robert DeNiro pretends he's a cabbage.

Movie Review: The DaVinci Code

When I heard they were making this book into a movie, I was excited to see how they would do it. I liked the story a great deal. I know several people who say the book wasn't very well written, but I thought it was good. I'm not exactly into complex flowery language - I like Stephen King - who a lot of people also accuse of simple, poorly written language. Not everything has to be freakin Chaucer...

Anyway.

Then I heard Tom Hanks would play the lead. I became more skeptical. He's not how I pictured Robert Langdon in my head, and he frankly, looks stupid with longish hair. Tom Hanks didn't look the part of the academic.

As the opening approached, I started to let go of the Tom Hanks thing. I mean, he is a great actor, so maybe he'll do the role justice.

Then I read the reviews. It got panned. Tom Hanks has a wooden performance, they said. The CGI flashbacks are cheesey, they said. How do you film someone thinking, they said.

I became more skeptical, verging on wondering if I even wanted to see it. But I liked the story.

So Sunday, we went for the first matinee show - so if it sucked, at least we didn't blow too much money.

Well...

It didn't suck. In fact, I thought it was quite well done.

I don't know what everyone's problem is. Seriously. I thought it was very well done. I forgot about how I didn't think Tom Hanks fit the role - he did just fine. The villian, Silas, was creepy as hell. The woman who played Sophie was fine too.

The CGI "flashbacks" were well done as well. I didn't find them cheesey. They illustrated the points being made when Langdon is explaining a historical event. Even though I knew what would happen (John didn't) I still felt suspense.

Amazingly, the movie is also very true to the book - which is rare. I don't think they changed anything. If they did, it was a minor detail that I forgot about.

So despite the reviews, if you're interested in or liked the story - whether you read the book or not - it's worth seeing.

South Park Madness

So, a while back, Sadie posted her self portrait ala the South Park character maker. Several others followed suit. My dad got it from my blog and made portraits of himself and my mom (below).




Then he sent it to a guy he works with who proceeded to make portraits of himself and several others in the office. And he went a little overboard to say the least.


He's a Marine reserve...


Here's the president of the company.


The adolescent alter-ego of one of the ladies in the office.


The president in his boat with one of the other guys.

By the way, the site moved - probably too much traffic. You can find the character maker here now.

A must read

Shawn has written an excellent piece regarding the state of our nation. He brings home the issues that seem too large to comprehend. You should check it out.

File this one under weird...

So, Wednesday I was on my way downtown to the hotel where the conference was being held and was on the el. I switched to the red line train and immediately saw something that always evokes my ire... a double wide stroller blocking the doors.

Now I understand people with kids have to travel too, but double-wide strollers just do not fit on public transportation. Granted, it was the tail end of rush hour, but it was still a little crowded.

Then I saw what was in the stroller.

Two white, Pekenise dogs.

No, I'm not kidding.

I wonder if they were going to take them to the museum? Seriously, I think the CTA should be more pet friendly (now only if our mutt was more people friendly), but a stroller???

It was so funny I had to call John right away before I forgot about it. My irritation shifted to bemusement.

They were awfully cute.

Thank You Notes - Revisted

I remember a while back in January I went on a bit of a diatribe about thank you notes and common courtesy.

Well, a friend emailed me this article and I thought I'd revisit the subject. After reading it, there's no excuse not to write a simple thank you now and then. Especially if you're friends with the Queen of the Universe, a.k.a. "~R" who writes them if you say "bless you" when she sneezes... well, maybe not that often, but you know... It makes one feel a bit inadequate.

A few good excerpts:

• Grandma might not say anything to you, but trust me: She and her friends are probably at this very moment sighing over how young people today just don’t have manners.
  
  
• Stay away from full-size sheets – note cards are best, as your message will be brief, and would look silly swimming around on a page that large.
  
  
• All cash denominations become ‘your generosity’ or ‘your kindness.’
  
  
• Say something nice about the item and how you will use it.
  
  
• Why did they give you the gift? What does it mean to your relationship with the giver? Let the giver know how they fit into the fabric of your life.
  
  
• This isn’t the time to brag about your new job, a hot girlfriend, or number of surgeries. The thank-you is exclusively about thanking somebody for their kindness.

Whoppeeeee

I'm at the conference all week for my professional association. It WAS supposed to be in New Orleans, but now it's right here in good, ol, "sunny" - Chicago.

*sigh*

Some things

1) The couch in the alley is gone. Someone took it this morning. Don't ask me why, but that's the way it works in Chicago.

2) I'm finally done with classes.

3) I found a cute little side table to go on my side of the new couch. It's wood, with spindle legs and has a little shelf with a door in it. I found it at a junk store by our apartment. It's already mostly stripped & sanded. I fixed the latch on the cabinet door and am going to put the final touches on the sanding hopefully this weekend (if it stops raining) and stain it.

I'll have more later, but for now... that's all that's happening in my world.

If we lived in South Park

This is what John and I would look like (John made this in photoshop):

Thanks to Sadie for finding this cute character maker.

New Couch!

The new couch has finally arrived! I know it seems like a long time ago (two months actually) since we ordered it.


We carried out the old piece of shit couch we bought off the old tenants cheap to make way for the new one. Chicago custom is that old furniture is left in the alley. Someone, usually the junk collectors, will take it away eventually.

This is for SecretRudy, who, for some reason likes collecting pictures of couches in alleys.


The new one came at 3pm and it is perfect for us in every way. John's end is deeper with a higher back and higher armrest and mine is shallower with a lower back and armrest. We also got two ottomans with storage inside. The tops flip over for an easy table/serving tray. They also hold a lot of weight, so they can be used as seats when we have company - you know, cuz we do that SO often...


John picked out the pattern. I'm glad he strongarmed me into it because it looks really nice.


I'm off to the Container Store to find some storage boxes for underneath and maybe look at some small tables I can put on my side. We also ordered a cover for it to keep the pet hair off of it as much as possible. We can take the cover off when we have company.

All in all, I'm happy.

Want a better world?

Want a better government? Better Politicians? Better Businessess? Better society? Well garbage in, garbage out, people.

From CNN:

Study: Geography Greek to young Americans

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- After more than three years of combat and nearly 2,400 U.S. military deaths in Iraq, nearly two-thirds of Americans aged 18 to 24 still cannot find Iraq on a map, a study released Tuesday showed.

The study found that less than six months after Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans and the Gulf Coast, 33 percent could not point out Louisiana on a U.S. map.

The National Geographic-Roper Public Affairs 2006 Geographic Literacy Study paints a dismal picture of the geographic knowledge of the most recent graduates of the U.S. education system.

"Taken together, these results suggest that young people in the United States ... are unprepared for an increasingly global future," said the study's final report.

"Far too many lack even the most basic skills for navigating the international economy or understanding the relationships among people and places that provide critical context for world events."

The study, which surveyed 510 young Americans from December 17 to January 20, showed that 88 percent of those questioned could not find Afghanistan on a map of Asia despite widespread coverage of the U.S.-led overthrow of the Taliban in 2001 and the political rebirth of the country.

In the Middle East, 63 percent could not find Iraq or Saudi Arabia on a map, and 75 percent could not point out Iran or Israel. Forty-four percent couldn't find any one of those four countries.

Inside the United States, "half or fewer of young men and women 18-24 can identify the states of New York or Ohio on a map [50 percent and 43 percent, respectively]," the study said.

On the positive side, the study noted, seven in 10 young Americans correctly located China on a map, even though they had a number of misconceptions about that country. Forty-five percent said China's population is only twice that of the United States. It's actually four times larger than the U.S. population.

When the poll was conducted in 2002, "Americans scored second to last on overall geographic knowledge, trailing Canada, France, Germany, Great Britain, Italy, Japan and Sweden," the report said.

The release of the 2006 study coincides with the launch of the National Geographic-led campaign called "My Wonderful World." A statement on the program said it was designed to "inspire parents and educators to give their kids the power of global knowledge.

We all want to blame someone else for our problems: Illegal immigrants, China, Liberals, Conservatives, Christians, Athiests... Look in the mirror. It's your fault. Yes, yours. And mine. You wonder why Americans could care less about Darfur? Because they can't relate to the place or the people. Geography is more than maps, it's social science. It's making connections between your own experience and those of others. Learning about the customs and cultures and circumstances of other people. Why is America so insulated? Because we don't know anything about the rest of the world - and we're not ensuring that our young people do either.

Robert Reich said that 20% of the new jobs in the new global economy will be good, high-paying jobs requiring good education and creativity. If we keep going like this, you can bet those won't go to any Americans but the super elite who can afford to dictate their children's education by sending them to private schools.

I was talking to the Queen of the Universe a week or so ago about the state of education and she had a fabulous idea. How do we start improving education? Everyone, whether you have kids or not, run for a spot on your local school board. Grassroots movements can and do work.

Daaaaaamn!

If Steven Colbert suddenly dissapears, at least we will know why. The whitehouse correspondents dinner has always been somewhat of a roast - but Colbert turned up the heat.

Some highlights from the transcript that made me giggle:

"To just sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what; I'm a pretty sound sleeper that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face."

"I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq."

"And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be it Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe our infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior. "

"I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, has he stood on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world."

"Then you write they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the titanic. First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This ships not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on The Hindenburg..."

And if you want to see for yourself just how ballsy this guy really is, saying these things 6 feet away from Bush...

highlights

The full video is very long and split into parts (from YouTube):
Part 1.
Part 2.
Part 3.

Reason #218 not to have kids...

Pestilence.

Kids are germ factories. I never used to get sick when I was a kid. I was actually jealous of other kids who got to stay home sick. I never even had the chicken pox. It wasn't until I started to be around more an more children that I decided to get the pox vaccine - because that's a nasty, nasty illness when you're an adult.

Both John and I got sick this past week. We caught a wicked strain of the stomach flu. John got it first - which is odd, because he works from home and normally doesn't interact with many people. No one at my work or school was sick wtih this either. We finally figured it out - Easter. My cousin came to Easter with her kids and she said they'd all be sick with the stomach flu recently. I didn't think anything of it at the time. But now... I'm not touching those kids without dipping them in Purell first.

I'm serious. This was the worst thing I've ever experienced. Soon after purging the entire contents of my digestive tract on Saturday morning, I felt like I'd been run over by a truck. All of my muscles hurt, except my arms. It hurt to lay still, but it hurt to move. I had a raging headache, but I couldn't take anything for it because I couldn't keep anything down.

Needless to say, we're slowly working our way back to solid food. Ugh...