Moving forward

John left to go see his dad this week in Southern Indiana, and I'm left with the nagging feeling that this is the first Thanksgiving in probably 9 or 10 years that he won't be around. Yes, it truly sucks, but the last thing I want is a pity party.

Tomorrow I go to my parent's house and spend some time with my mom's side of the family (cousins mostly), who have their own mini-dramas going on right now too. I almost want to ignore the fact that John won't be there, because honestly, I don't really want to talk about it with them.

John will be gone until Sunday, so that gives me some time to clean up around the apartment, sort through some stuff, and get cracking on a couple of knitting projects. Saturday night I'm going to a poker game at a former coworker's house nearby, so that should be fun. It's a low stakes game, so even if I get my ass handed to me I won't lose more than $20 or so.

I'm also trying to make a list of things that I'm going to need for myself soon. Like a TV, since I don't want the projector. I don't want to mess with having to mount it and figure out all the connections - it's not worth my time. I'll also be wanting to get a futon sooner or later. The "Select Comfort" bed that we just bought earlier this year is going with John as well. I never really wanted it. I hate that fuckin' thing. It's SO not worth the money. I wake up with a back ache every day since we've gotten it. Plus, Annie won't need a bridge to get up and down from a futon. Back to the simpler life for me.

My life has been a never ending stream of paperwork and little questions running around in my head. I know I can ask for help - but there's nothing to do yet. It's just all rattling around in my head.

Getting out

I've had a few people concerned that I won't get out and do stuff during this difficult time. Don't worry, I have plenty of social engagements lined up for a while. The holidays help with that, for sure.

I've gotten used to doing certain things without John over the years since he doesn't like clubs or bars. This weekend is something I've been looking forward to for almost a month. A local DJ, who used to do a weekly new-wave/post-punk night at a few local clubs (one of which I frequented during my undergraduate years until it closed) is planning a Wax Trax! revival night at a local club.
For those who don't know, Wax Trax! was a record label in the mid 80s to early 90s based in Chicago (spun off from a record store in Denver) that produced many of the early industrial bands, like Ministry and My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult, among others. So Saturday will be a night full of My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult, Front 242, Nitzer Ebb, Ministry, KMFDM, REVCO. These bands set the stage for artists like Nine Inch Nails to gain a fairly mainstream following, even if many of the early influencing bands have gone the way of the DoDo. My kind of fun!

Change is coming

According to the Celtic calendar, Sowan (technically November 1) is the beginning of the dark season. In the wheel of life, it is an ending and a new beginning. It's a time to honor and celebrate the dead, cull the herd in preparation for the winter, and turn inward to focus on ourselves and what we will need for the coming year.

It is rare that I post personal stories on this blog. No offense, it's just the way I am. I tend to play it close to the vest with everyone but a few close friends. I'm not a "bear it all" kind of person, especially in cyberspace. However, it seems appropriate and necessary to post about the end of the beginning and the beginning of the end.

I went with three friends who are part of a local women's group up to Wisconsin this weekend to a Sowan celebration hosted by a local Northern Illinois/Southern Wisconsin pagan organization. We were to bring symbols of Sowan and mementos of a particular ancestor or beloved dead to honor.

It was on these two altars that I placed my grandmother's ring and photograph as well as a piece of the aloe plant John bought when we first moved in together 11 years ago (that oddly enough began to die earlier this year for those who believe in omens) and my wedding band.

John and I are splitting up. I'm sorry to those of you who I know in real life who are seeing this for the first time, that I didn't tell you sooner. You know where to find me. In addition to growing in two separate paths and becoming two different people with different interests and different goals, there is one huge insurmountable issue that has arisen in recent months. John realized he actually does want children. As most of you know by now, I have known for a long time that I do not want children. Though I have softened in recent years about being around children (certain, well-behaved children), I have never had the urge to have my own.

So in the coming winter months I need to focus on myself, reflect on what it is I want and need for the coming new year, and prepare myself for the prospect of living alone - something I have never done before.

I don't really know what else to say other than everything will work out and we'll both be OK eventually. I'm lucky to have a lot of good friends and family close by who have all given their support. We're still friends, and want to remain that way. Only time will tell what happens next.

Yes we did!

History in the making
Grant Park, Chicago
November 4, 2008

OK, so the map didn't come out as clear as I wanted, but if you click it, the Google Map will pop up. Basically, Hutchinson Field is the south edge of Grant Park between Balbo and Roosevelt Road. Congress Parkway was the entrance, and that is 500 South. Roosevelt Road is 1200 South (thank GOD for Grid-style city planning). 7 full city blocks were filled with people waiting to get into the rally.

This is a view of Michigan Avenue and the city skyline on our way to the rally. After the rally let out, they closed pretty much the entire loop to all traffic. It was strange because every half block there were vendors selling t-shirts, buttons, hats, even Obama wrist watches! It was surreal and kind of tacky - almost like this is a sports event. Truly bizarre.

The entrance to the event at Congress Parkway & Michigan Avenue. They were trying to direct ticketed people to the South and non-ticketed people to the North to keep the lines separate. Basically, Mayor Daley said unless things got out of hand, he would allow as many people that wanted to stay in the public areas of the park to come down. So the entirety of Grant Park was filled with people. People with tickets were allowed into the barricaded area, but the sound was such that people in the perimeter could hear fine.

We made it inside the field with very little problems. The security was actually not as intense as I had imagined. There were no metal detectors and they barely searched us. I am positive that the park was crawling with Secret Service. Thankfully the crowd, as big as it was, was calm, happy, and generally pleasant. And we could not have asked for better weather. I didn't even need a coat - November in Chicago and it's 55 degrees at 10pm at night with clear skies? Whose side is God on now bitches??

More images of the crowd and the skyline in the background. Keep in mind this is only the barricaded area where the 70,000 people with tickets were allowed. You can't even see the overflow.

This is Donna after they officially called the election for Obama.

The first speaker to address the crowd was a Bishop (I feel terrible that I forgot his name). This was around 10:30pm, after the conclusions had been drawn and the reality set in that Obama won.

Another shot of the massive crowd waiting, listening. There was some music broadcast during the waiting periods, and the jumbotron showed the results as they came in. There were chants and cheers and just general jubilation at this point.

We were pretty far back, having to get there late because I didn't get off election judge duty until 8:30pm. However, we could hear everything crystal clear. This is my one attempt at a picture of Obama sepaking. But I figured there would be plenty of others available online and I should just listen.

Donna using her mental telepathy to control her minions.

Mass Exodus. This makes twice in my life I've been able to walk down the middle of Michigan Avenue. The entire loop was filled with throngs of pilgrims on their way home.

Wow

OK... I just got home from the rally in Grant Park. Two words: Fucking Amazing.

I have been up since 4:00am this morning, served as an election judge from 5am to 8pm, went to the rally... and now I'm going to bed.

Good Night.