I'm going to try and be more active here again. I think I may be able to succeed once my week-long hiatus from all electronic communication in a couple of weeks is over. I'm going to visit a friend in Portland, OR and have decided that while I am there, I will not check email, facebook, or twitter. For a whole week - rapid detox on social media. I am taking wagers on how well I will succeed. Of course, knowing Brett & Jessie, if I tell them "do not let me use the computer for anything other than maps, transit and flight updates" I'm sure they'll oblige. If someone needs to find me during that time, they can text or {gasp} call me.
As much as I do LOVE facebook - it allows me to interact with a lot of people that I otherwise wouldn't be able to on a fairly regular basis - I am on it way too much. And my recent experiment with twitter confirmed the same - it was just far too distracting. I need to limit myself, which is difficult because I sit in front of a computer all day and it's so easy to just log onto facebook when I'm bored, or can't concentrate, or need a break. But then it turns into an obsession of sorts - so-and-so commented on this-or-that - oooh, I have to check that, and maybe reply! It has allowed me to get into contact with a lot of people I lost touch with, for various reasons. I am not the type of person who "friends" people I don't actually know or want to know. I don't understand that at all.
That was part of my conflict with Twitter. Aside from following various celebrities or news outlets or businesses, all it is, is pushing my brainfarts into cyberspace. I didn't have a lot of "followers" so, therefore, I was pushing those thoughts to a subset of people already on Facebook - so why not just use that? And it seemed oddly anti-social to me - a facade of interaction. I was discussing with with someone who said "Yeah, but actual conversation requires more time and effort. A quick tweet doesn't interrupt anything". Exactly: The absence of time and effort. I'm not interested in "tweeting" with perfect strangers, and all those with whom I want to be friends, I require a certain level of effort and time for them. If my only interaction with someone is through 140 character snippets - that's not a friendship. And right now, I really am craving more interpersonal connections.
I've found that now that the dust has settled, I've reached the "OK, now what" phase of this stage of my life. I want to get out and meet new people, foster relationships (new, old, and newly-rediscovered) but I often don't have the time (or money) to do that as often as I want. Socializing often costs money, especially the kind of socialization I enjoy (the ethanol kind). I'm at a crossroads. How do you meet new people (friends or 'more')? I'm going to a little singles event next week called "Nerds at Heart" --
- OK you done laughing? -
Seriously - it looks like fun. It's not a corporate/yuppie speed-dating thing. I couldn't handle that. There's no way I could "present" myself to a guy in 2 minutes or less. This is a laid back, social event where people who are other self-identified nerds (i.e., they actually LIKE smart women) get together for trivia and party games, a few drinks, and yes, to maybe meet someone they click with. The games are natural ice-breakers - no pressure in trying to think of something witty to say, or the right "getting to know you" question to ask. I'm going with a new friend I just met through some old friends for moral support. I'm both excited and terrified.
Speaking of old friends... I've recently re-connected with a whole group of people with whom I lost touch many years ago. Most of them are high school friends, and a few who I met in college (the two groups kind of merged). Part of the reason I went AWOL is that I had a falling out with one "core" person of the group - or so I thought. Turns out after all these years of thinking he hated me, he actually missed me. I can't even remember what the argument was about. Another reason was that they all moved out to the burbs and I was left in the city, with no car, and everyone stopped coming to the city. Not that I minded taking public transit to certain places, but I was always the one going out of my way and busting my ass to get places when they were all much more mobile. It seemed unbalanced and like my participation was expendable. I felt hurt and a bit abandoned by that. (Ironically, after reconnecting with this group, the exact same phenomenon appears to be happening with my current group of friends. Life is oddly cyclical sometimes).
Now, quite a few of these folks work downtown and we've been getting together occasionally for a happy hour, plus many of them come into the city for various things or choose locations that are accessible to CTA so it's much easier. And, of course, now we have facebook and such to keep in contact between those times. Last weekend, I went to a BBQ with a few of them, and some of the newer faces in the crowd and met some really great people. I'm truly glad to be "home" so to speak.
I've started knitting again. I finished a skirt for myself and now I have to move on to something else that I can bring with me on the plane to Portland.
OK, that's all I have time to write for now. And actually, I wrote more than I thought I would. I guess I really am starved for expression.
10 July 2010
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2 comments:
Yep, the friend thing is a constant battle. I think I've really suffered over the last few years in the face-to-face interaction with my friends. All the friends I have out here are ones that I used to work with. Considering I've had my own business for 12 years, I've done a great job of staying close with those people despite not seeing them at work. But lately, not even that is working well. Part of it is my business being fairly busy. Part of it is that WE live in the 'burbs. Most of our friends do too ... but different 'burbs. Part of it is that they have started doing more with who they work with now and with parents of their kids' friends. I don't begrudge them that at all. But when you have no co-workers, I don't have that opportunity to make new work friends.
Part of it is that most of my friends here have family here too and do a lot of family stuff. Neither of us have family here. My folks are the closest but are still 3 hours away.
Blah, blah, blah. Sorry, this post was about you and I've magically made it about me. Typical. My point is ... I get what you are going through (except for the newly divorced part -- that is admittedly added complexity). And the social network stuff, I'm with you on that too. Sometimes I'm too heavy in it, but I'm determined to explore them to their fullest and find some kind of happy medium. I'm being fairly successful with making new acquaintances through some of my political and environmental interests, which is good. But, I wish I had more of these types that were into going out once in awhile for, as you say, "ethanol socialization".
Don't apologize for 'making this about you' - I don't see that at all. You're relating to what I said (from a slightly different place, but still). I don't often make "friends" with my coworkers - with rare exception. I think mostly because the field I'm in, I'm usually the youngest person in a room (because I got into my niche earlier than most find it). So I often have nothing in common, socially, with coworkers. There are a handful that I consider casual friends and one or two I consider good friends. Other than that, I keep work & life separate.
Yeah, the kid thing is hard for me too. It's tough realizing that I'll probably always be the odd one out on that and while I'm totally fine working around kid-friendly schedules, there's certain things that I'll always be excluded from and won't be able to relate to. All the friends with kids have this instant bond/connection that I'll be missing. But such is life.
The friend I was supposed to go with tomorrow had a family issue come up and has to travel down state. I guess I'm flyin solo. So be it. If I'm gonna swim, I may as well just jump in head first.
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